Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
