can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
