Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
