Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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