did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
