We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
