Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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