It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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