he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
