I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
