I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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