PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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