Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I enjoy the company of your penis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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