it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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