we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
