Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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