Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
PANTIES FOUND
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
