your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
