i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
