Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
