I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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