I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
