there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
