i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My vagina just recognized that song.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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