p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize