i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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