Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
