Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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