So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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