What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
