A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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