I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
