i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
