Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
