I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
