Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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