It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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