I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
