When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So vagazzling was a success
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
