alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
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Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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