I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
