I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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