I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
