i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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