Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
