glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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