You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
