Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
