what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
