We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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