And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
