My hand turned me down
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
