I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
