This girl is more easily done than said...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
