just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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