umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My vagina is officially offended.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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