The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
