we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
