well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
