my vag is so smooth its legendary
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
