too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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