i would punch a child for taco bell
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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