I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
