Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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