take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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