Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
