The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
