We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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