you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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