The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
someone owes me an orgasm
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
