My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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