If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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