I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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