Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
