Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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