People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
