The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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