i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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