The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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